Donnasblog

I just got done working out.  Screaming muscles and all.  My daughters were a big help; “Mommy, why are you sweating so much?”, “Mommy, why is your face red?”, and (my favorite), “Mommy, you stink!”.  So much for encouragement.  :)  The right music REALLY helps, though.  *To everyone, I HIGHLY recommend any CD by Blue October (rock/grunge band).  I LOVE their music, and it’s really fun to work out to.  Tonight, I went over on my workout time because I was enjoying their music SO much!

I actually baked two batches of cookies to give to a neighbor as a “thank you” gift for clothes they had given to my girls for Christmas.  An epiphany (SP?) came over me as I was making them.  I kept thinking about all the weight I would gain if I “tasted” the batter here and there.  I did eat a few, because I once made a batch and mixed up the salt and sugar canisters (that was NASTY).  BUT I logged them all, did extra excersizes, and am still WAY under in the calorie department.  Thank God for salads and fat free dressings, eh?  What was amazing to me was when I watched the family members (always visiting!) chomping away.  I was so proud that I wasn’t joining in.  They were REALLY good, and I am glad that I can share!  Funny thing since I started really caring about what goes into my body, I still cook good food (now watching fat and calories), but I LOVE sharing. 

The girls are in bed, everyone’s gone, and right now is the time I would be chowing down.  Thanks to Nikki, I know that now is definitely NOT the time to do it.  (THANK YOU, NIKKI!)  And, thank you to everyone else on this site, for keeping me busy, motivated, and enthusied about losing all this weight!  You guys are the BEST!

Now, I am gonna read some blogs, take a bubble bath, and do some homework I have been AVOIDING….classes resume on Tuesday, and I am SO unprepared. 

Have a GREAT night, everyone!

Seriously, get a life.  If you think that your snyde little comments about me getting pregnant on purpose will get a rise, you’re right!  That is a really LOW blow.  What’s your problem?  Daddy didn’t hug you enough?  Mommy was an undercover alcoholic?  Sorry you can’t handle REAL women.  I have a GREAT idea….go buy a blow-up doll you can deflate.  Oh, wait, the porn store called.  The dolls don’t want your comments, either.  Keep them to yourself! 

People on this site don’t have time for you!

If anyone gets a comment from tony, IGNORE HIM!!!!

I haven’t told the guy I have been dating for the past two years how serious I am about losing weight.  He is beginning to wonder, though, why I cut our phone conversations short at 8pm (my workout time…when the girls are in bed “sleeping) and why I haven’t been out to dinner with him in so long.  The problem is that he always compliments me on my confidence in everything, including myself.  I AM confident about most things; how I will make ends meet without my kids dad paying a dime of child support (I took him to court a YEAR ago this month, still haven’t gotten a DIME), how I will earn my degree (3.95 GPA…YEA ME!!), how I will be able to provide a good home for my kids, etc. etc.  He always talks about how nice it is to be around someone who isn’t insecure and doesn’t worry all of the time about what other people think.  I just can’t get the gumption up to tell him that I am really working on my weight for a couple of reasons:

1.  He is a “fixer”.  Everytime there is a problem, he tries to fix it.  Things like putting money into my bank account (put a STOP to that real quick…I mean, I am not a hooker!), changing the oil in my car, fixing things around the house.  I think that if I try to explain to him I am trying to lose weight, he will try to “fix” that, too.  To him, it would be helping, but to me, it would be him being condesending and hurtful.

2.  He is fit, I am not.  I am sure he has figured it out by now (I’m not a nun after all), but why draw attention to the unspoken?

3.  This is something that I want to do on my own, proving to myself I CAN do it. 

Is it selfish of me to not tell him?  We aren’t serious at all.  It’s one of those relationships where we are really good friends above all, but he undersands that I cannot make any type of commitment for a long time (I promised myself that I would not get “serious” about anyone until my life is on track).  At the same time, he is my best friend, should I be honest about my excuses?  When he talks about how he has dated other girls who were extremely self-concious, I worry that he will then group me into that category.  I’m so confused about what to do.  I would hate to admit that there is a fear inside of me, the fear of getting fat beyond the point of return.  I am scared to death of it.  I think about it all the time.  I worked as a correctional officer for years, and have learned to put on a “brave face” when terrified inside and know that is what I am doing right now.  I just don’t want to lose this relationship, especially our friendship. 

Two little girls are demanding my attention right now, and it is almost workout time.  Hope everyone has a good night, and if you read this, any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated!! 

I went to the Doctor today and promptly found out that my scale at home is off…BY 15 POUNDS!!!  I wanted to puke!  But, looking on the bright side (which, right now, is like trying to find some parenting skills in the Spears family), now I know my actual weight, and am starting to realize how I have to REALLY excersize.  Stupid scale…..

Ugh!  I am really hating this right now.  I have to attempt to find some healthy ways to cook pork chops (is there really such a thing??).  But, I did go out to eat today, and actually ate healthy!  That is a first.  Okay, maybe I did that before, but honestly cannot remember when.  Miracles happen every day, don’t they?

Anyway, that was my day.  Almost punching out the doctor, buying a new scale, wanting to burn the afore mentioned through the window, and eating healthy foods at a restaurant. 

I hope a telemarkete calls.  At least I would have someone to let it all out on.

Yeah, stopping smoking SOUNDED like a good idea.  So I lasted only one day….actually, it was 17 hours.  Yes, I counted the HOURS.  2 pm felt like 5pm, 5pm felt like 10 pm, and I don’t even want to remember my state of mind at midnight last night!  I went to the gas station at 2am, and I felt euphoric….and like a drug abuser.  A police car pulled up, and I started to panic.  Then I remembered that:

 A. I am over 18. 

B.  I wasn’t breaking any law.  Even though the prices the gas stations are charging should be criminal.

C.  The same police officer in the parking lot bummed a cigerette off of me at a church meeting a few weeks ago.  However, he did do the whole, “tisk, tisk, tisk,” thing when I lit up in the parking lot, the hypocrit.

I tried gum.  I tried talking about it.  I tried “keeping busy”.  Not that it didn’t help, but I found myself going to the fridge WAY too much.  It’s not worth it.  It wasn’t worth all of the added stress or pain I was going through.  I will never look at an alcoholic or a drug addict wth contempt again.  I only have smoked 5 cigerettes today, as opposed to the 20 I would have normally consumed.  I a just not ready to add back the weight I have been fighting SO hard to lose.  I figure a few cigerettes a day are a lot better than a big mac a day when the cravings come into play.

The weirdest thing happened, though.  I didn’t eat breakfast because I was running late to work.  I didn’t even have time to eat while at work.  I know that this is totally wrong, and I should never do it again, but when I came home I was STARVING.  You know, the kind of starving that has you eating peanutbutter out of the jar while waiting for whatever is in the microwave to get done?  But, I didn’t cave.  I made a healthy dinner, sat down with my kids, and began to eat.  What is REALLY messed up about the whole thing is that a couple of weeks ago I would have gone back for seconds and maybe even thirds….this time I ate my plate, got seconds, took a bite, and threw it all away.  I cannot remember the last time I did that!!  Somewhere, deep inside my chub body, a little voice was saying, “STOP!  WAIT!  YOU’RE FULL!!”  It was awesome.  So, yea, I wasted a whole plate of meatloaf and noodles with vegetables.  So what?  My grandmother, I am sure, is rolling over in her grave, but I AM PROUD!  I still have to work out tonight, but at least I have the knowledge that I threw the food away!  And, now, the poor starving children my Grandmother always yelled at me about have the benefit of eating some really good meat loaf and vegetable noodles.  YEA THEM! 

Hope everyone is doing well.  I have to get the kids in the bath, work out, and (hopefully) go to bed with out snacking or smoking.  If you see a chubby Italian woman walking down the street yelling at every smoker or snacker, stop and say “hello!”.  I get out of work at 3:30pm.  LOL.

Have a great day!!

So I went out last night, and (of course) the bars were open until 6am.  Being the type of person who sticks with it, of course I was there until 6am.  Now, I am hung over, tired, and snapping at people.  On top of all that, I quit smoking today, which is making everything a hell of a lot worse.  Everyone is getting on my nerves, no one will leave me alone, and everytime I want to smoke, some non-smoker is telling me to chew a peice of gum.  GUM!!  Like that is helping!  So far, I have chewed through two packs (sugar free and no calories, of course).  But, I REALLY want a cigerette!!  On top of all that, I am STARVING, but since I drank SO much last night, a big dinner isn’t in the cards for me.  AM GOING CRAZY!  Keep wandering around the house aimlessly, thinking of something to do.  Working out just isn’t in the cards today.  Am I wrong to think that way?  I mean, today has been really rough, can I “reward” myself for not faltering on the diet (especially when I REALLYwant to), and not smoking a single cigerette for an entire day.  I mean, this is the first day in TEN YEARS I haven’t smoked.  When will this get better?  A couple days?  A week?  A month?  A year?  I have honestly never tried to quit before because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to.  Now that I have decided to, everyone is looking at me like it should be SO easy.  Just like the whole, “I am going to lose weight,” declaration.  People thought I would bomb it on the first day, now a week later, they have changed their minds, and are telling me how “easy” it is; e.x. “Losing weight is really easy, just don’t eat any carbs for the rest of your natural life,” (okay, I am exaggerating, but you know…), or, “Quitting smoking is easy, just put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it whenever you want a cigerette.  If that doesn’t work, place your finger in your eye and poke it until the cravings go away.” 

ANYWAY…..enough of my complaining.     

Seriously, has anyone that has lost some weight noticed their under garments getting too big?  Is that like a normal thing for people that lose weight? 

GET THIS, wore a pair of jeans last night that I haven’t worn in a while because they usually cut into my tummy!  They looked damned decent, if you ask me!

Have a GREAT New Year everyone!  I will be here, chewing gum, and yelling at people! 

So, I was working out on my weight bench (formarily known as my clothes hanger), and my daughters climbed onto the leg weights.  It was SO fun to work out with them, lifting them up and down.  My oldest daughter (4 years old), asked why I was working out.  I said that I wanted to lose weight.  My youngest (3 yrs. old) replied, “When you are little and I am big, I will take you to the park and push you on the swings!”  I thought that was too funny!  Of course, they both inherited their father’s genes and are “skinny minnys”, hopefully they don’t have to battle their weight like I do!

So, 2008 is almost here, and I am waging war on it!  I haven’t cheated in a whole week!  I will lose the weight this year, and keep it off for the next year. 

1.  I won’t beat myself up when I bomb a day, or even a week. 

2.  I will remember that I am human. 

3.  I won’t use the excuses that I am a single mom, I work a stressful job (marketing), or that I go to school full time to dissuade me.

4.  I will be the ”fun” mom again, taking my kids to different places that require me to go outside the “comfort zone” of sweats.  I will get back onto the playground, the monkey bars, and the teeter-totter. 

5.  I will not let self-doubt or self-indulgence get into my way.  My will power to lose weight will not be underminded by cynics.

6.  I WILL ASK FOR HELP WHEN I NEED IT!

7.  Since I don’t work out well for long peroids of time, so I will work out at least 15 to 30 minutes EACH DAY!  Even if it is simply doing sit ups in the bedroom before bedtime.

Good luck to everyone this New Years.  We can all make it!  Next year, I will be shopping for lower sizes, better clothes, and remembering my war waged on 2008!

LET’S DO IT!!!

So, it’s been about a week since I started this.  I am SHOCKED that I have kept checking in on my food intake, calories, and checking out the blogs to see what everyone else is up to.  Since I have this really bad habit of not finishing anything I started (college, decorating, etc. etc.) my family (an myself) is shocked to see I am still working on my weight!  This week has been so hard!  People beinging in food at work, my family being home for the holidays, fatty foods in the refrigerator….I really thought I would bomb before now.  Yea me for sticking with it!

Some things that I have learned from starting this:

1.  Just because it is there doesn’t mean I have to eat it.  (Especially if it has been sitting in the break room for hours!)

2.  Telling people I am watching what I eat really helps.  Everyone seems more supportive if I DON’T eat what they have prepared when I say, “It looks sooo good, but I have to say, “no”.  I am trying to lose weight.”

3.  Just because I am up late typing a last minute paper due for school, doesn’t mean I need a bag of chips and a tub of dip to keep me awake.  Besides, the computer desk is a LOT cleaner now.

4.  The more weight I lose, the more weight I want to lose! 

Good luck everyone!  It really does get easier the more you try!  Have a great New Year! 

I have decided to do this, the first thing I have actually done totally for myself for a while.  Having two kids, a job, and going to school full time has really taken it’s toll.  I am 27 and I look like I am 40!  For myself, for Christmas, I have decided to lose 60 pounds the healthy way.  Not just lose it and gain it right back, but REALLY lose it.  Any help or advice anyone can give to a single mom who has VERY limited time would be greatly appreciated!