Donnasblog

So, I got caught up in the myth.  My (and probably a lot of other people’s myth) that I am too busy, I have too much on my plate, and that I am happy with the way that I look.  LIES….ALL LIES!!  I tell myself this to make me feel better about not being able to get the nice clothes that I REALLY want to buy.  I tell myself that it is my kids’ dad’s fault because if he would just send some child support, maybe I could afford a gym membership.  I tell myself that my main focus is on my daughters, and to be a good mom I have to sacrifice my looks and body, especially because they don’t have a father.  I tell myself these things, and I know they are all LIES. 

It’s like that really bad relationship that almost everyone has.  You listen to the other person lie right to your face and you believe them because, well, because you want SO BADLY for it all to be true.  That little voice in the back of your head screams out to you to STOP listening.  To shut that little voice up, I usually shove its mouth full of ice cream only to have it yell louder at me once the container is empty.

I have to do this because I want to see my daughters grow up with a mom that they aren’t embarrassed to have around.  I want to do this because I want them to see their mom accomplish yet another thing that was REALLY hard to do.

Most importantly, I want to do this because that voice, the voice of the “skinny me” is balling her eyes out right now.  She’s lonely, I can tell. 

So, yeah, I am back.  I don’t know if this will last or not.  I had a pretty good run last time, maybe this time it will work.  I think we have all said that before, “Maybe this time it will work…”. 

Here are my promises to myself:

1.  I will not beat myself up when I stumble a little bit.

2.  I will not starve myself to lose the weight. 

3.  I will eat healthy food and will allow myself a “treat” every now and then.

4.  I will not give up.  If it doesn’t work this time, it may the next.  Lottery winners usually don’t win after buying just one ticket.

5.  I will continue to be honest with myself. 

6.  I will be proud of my small accomplishments.  Like today, when I went out to eat and put half of my food in a to-go package before I began eating.

7.  I will slow down.  Rome wasn’t built in a day, and some of these pounds will have to wait a month or two or six to go.  They aren’t going anywhere and neither am I.

8.  I will excersize at least three times a week, even if it just means taking a walk around the block.  I need to meet the neighbors, anyway.

9.  I will play outside more with the girls.  They love it and I love it that they love it.  Besides, it makes them go to sleep earlier.

10.  I will start focusing on what I love about myself, even if it is as small as my eyes or as large as my boobs.  (Please tell me they don’t shrink when you lose weight!!!)

So, there it is.  I am back.  I am ready.  I will lose this weight one little pound by one little pound.